This has been quite the month. Sick children, a scary visit to the pediatric ER and family health from 3000 miles away! It's taken a lot out of me and sometimes I think that no one gets what I'm feeling.
I suffer from post partum. Don't know if that's it now since it's been 4 years since my littlest one was born. So maybe at this point it's just anxiety and depression. I've been on meds and they work wonders. I don't know if I could have become the mom that I am without them. I don't want to find out yet if "mommy's little helper" is my breaking point. All I do know is that I don't cry in bed for long periods of time any more when life becomes overwhelming. Believe me, I do have my days that I want to!! But, the sadness isn't as painful and I know that I can push myself to move again.
My father had a cardiac catheterization last week. He got it in the nick of time. Just through a regular cardiac exam, they found issues. He had a 95% blockage in one of his main arteries and this stint saved his life. Unfortuneately, this is what I have to look forward to as I get older. His whole side of the family has cardiac problems.
My little guy was born with a cardiac birth defect and had closed heart surgery when he was 8 days old. His heart health weighs on me everyday. We go to the cardiologist every 6 months to make sure that all is well (which it is - this kid is unstoppable!) But, anytime that he is not well, I PANIC!! He has a bi-cuspid valve that will have to be replaced when he gets older, but is growing with him right now, so all is well.
When my big guy was born, he started pooping blood. This of course sent me into a craze. My husband and I had just watched our best friend pass away from colon cancer. We named our son after him because if it wasn't for him, we never would have met or been able to have the life that we have now! As it turned out, my love for dairy ulcerated my son's colon! I had to stop breastfeeding right away which killed me and the guilt that came with that was overwhelming. "NEW MOM ULCERATED SON'S COLON : NEWS AT 5" crazy - but, thoughts like that and much worse went through my head. Beginning of the end of my mental health?? probably not, i know I started losing mental health before that..........